This one’s for all the newbies out there ;)
So, last week I received an email from someone named “Mike Smith.” No, that was not the exact name he used, but it was equally generic. Perhaps more so. Think of the most John Q. Public name in the history of Anglo-American names. That’s the name on his just-created-five-minutes-ago gmail account.
Here it is:
Visiting from —- late October. Will stay in a hotel Downtown. Can you see me there?
…And that’s it. That’s all he was willing to divulge in this email. A fake name, and the fact that he normally resides in a country that is home to over a billion people–over 15% of the world’s population. Oh, and that he wants me to meet with him at an undisclosed location somewhere downtown, on a day (presumably) within the last two weeks of October.
I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt.
Hey there–thanks for contacting me!!
Of course I can meet Downtown, provided I’m available on the night you’d like to meet up. Also, have you checked out my screening methods?
I checked out your screening methods. However, I can not provide any of the info as I want to be discreet.
Hoookay. Let me break this down for y’all.
Gentlemen. Friends. Future clients. Please, please, please do not confuse the term “discreet” with “entitled and stupid.”
Think about what this man was asking me to do. Ridiculous, right?
Just in case you don’t get where I’m going with this: This man was asking me to meet with him alone, in private, when he was completely unwilling to provide ANY information about himself whatsoever.
I have said it before, and I will say it again: Any woman who agrees to that isn’t very concerned with her safety. And if she doesn’t care about her own safety, I promise you she doesn’t care about yours. And I can guarantee you she couldn’t care less about being discreet.
I know literally NOTHING about this man.
This week I was lucky enough to receive an email from a sweet but mystified newbie. Just to clarify: most of the newbies that contact me are NOT entitled morons. Most are genuinely respectful guys who are simply (and naturally) a bit intimidated by their new discovery: the wonderful world of modern courtesans, professional companions, elite escorts, service providers,
Yes, I know it seems weird. Yes, I know you want to be “discreet.” So do we.
What’s that? But you have a wife and kids and a job??
Here, check it out: I’m about to blow your mind (and if you pass screening, I might just blow something else ifyaknowwhatimean nudge nudge wink wink)
Are you ready for this? I hope you’re sitting down…
We have wives/husbands, kids, and jobs too.
…And professors, students, colleagues, patients, grandmothers, moms and dads, loves-of-our-lives, nieces and nephews, ex-boyfriends and ex-girlfriends, ex-husbands and ex-wives, future boyfriends and girlfriends, future husbands and wives, grandkids, landlords, coworkers, godchildren, cousins, neighbors, dogs, sisters and brothers, and and and…well, you get it.
We don’t cease to exist when we leave your hotel room (or vice versa). This is but one part of our lives.
We are people. We are people who are doing work that is so stigmatized in society. Our work is so stigmatized that people literally make jokes when we are murdered.
I don’t mean to be a downer, but yeah. Please try to put yourselves in our shoes for just a minute. I know it’s important to you that we’re careful with your information. It’s important to us, too. We guard it like gold, not only because we will lose ALL business (and therefore income) if we’re known to kiss and tell, but because we can’t risk outing ourselves. The consequences of indiscretion are dire.
So yes, we want to be discreet. Rest assured that’s our top priority. But it’s not our only priority.
We also want to be safe.
The “screening processes” we use can seem really weird and invasive to a newbie, especially since Hollywood and the media like to portray escorts as women who meet indiscriminately with complete strangers for a few bucks, and do whatever the “customer” wants, whenever and however he wants to, without knowing a thing about him (or caring!). Here’s the understatement of the century: that’s not really accurate.
OK, I’m sure there are a few people who do that–very desperate people who have fallen on hard times financially and really, really, REALLY need money. The rest of us–that would be the majority of us–choose who we want to meet with, just like “normal people” do.
The service we provide can effectively be described as a blind date, except without the risk of it being a terrible waste of time. We’ll both enjoy ourselves, because we won’t spend the whole time worrying about if we like each other or if the end of the date will be satisfying. We both know it will be satisfying. That’s the beauty of it ;)
By the time you decide to contact me, you know quite a bit about me. You can get a pretty good feel for who I am by checking out my website, and of course you can tell from my many photos whether I’m your physical “type” or not.
On the other hand, when a potential date contacts me, I’m on my own.
Like anyone else, we escorts each have certain preferences and requirements and qualities to consider when choosing a date–even if we know we’ll only be spending an hour with that person. We’re all individuals, so those preferences, requirements, and qualities vary from escort to escort. However, there are a few make-or-break factors that most of us have in common.
For most of us, the client must:
Screening is what helps us figure these things out ahead of time. If a gentleman provides references, we can contact escorts he’s been with in the past to make sure he’s respectful and safe. If he enrolls in a screening service (P411 is especially popular), that process is even easier. If he hasn’t done either of those things (usually because he’s new to this), then we can do a little research on who he is. Personally, this is my favorite method, and the one I use the most.
When I have someone’s name, I can do research ahead of time to see what kind of person he is. However, I have to be sure the name I’m researching belongs to the person I’m planning to meet up with. The only way I can be sure of that is if I’m able to contact that person through a public listing of his email address or phone number.
Most professionals will have their name and contact info (usually an office phone or a company email like email@example.com) listed on their employer’s website. If I’m able to reach him that way (or if he contacts me that way), then I know he is who he says he is. Occasionally, university students are able to use this method as well (name and firstname.lastname@example.org).
Giving me your real name and PROVING that your are safe to meet is a show of respect and an acknowledgement of my right to choose–to choose who I meet, to choose who I’m intimate with, and to choose who I trust with my safety. That’s all I ask.
Surely there are women in your life who you feel deserve to be safe.
There are many, many people in my life who feel that way about me.
We’re real people. We deserve to be safe, too.